Storm Informs

Between the record-breaking success of The Avengers and tremendous anticipation for The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spider-man is quickly becoming the red-headed stepchild of the summer comic book movie season.

With the release of its latest trailer, there seems to be a significant negative reception growing for the film (this article is a perfect example), which, when you examine the actual facts, is highly unjustified.

But still not as unjustified as the fact that Adam Sandler continues to pump out insulting shit like this.

Many critics seem to hit upon the same points when expressing their distaste for Spidey’s latest adventure, complaining that it’s too soon for a franchise reboot or that audiences don’t want to watch the same origin story all over again.

And while those may be fair points, there are other things critics continue to gripe about that are crap.  Why?  Because it’s too early to condemn The Amazing Spider-man for elements that might actually work and not make the film terrible.

Besides, nothing could be more terrible than this.

One regular point of contention is that The Amazing Spider-man ditches the character’s organic webbing in favour of mechanized web-shooters (although the devices are something Peter Parker has long used in the comic books).

In addition to staying true to his roots and showcasing Peter Parker’s intellect by having him construct the contraptions, using mechanical web-shooters also solves the huge logistical problem that previous Spider-man director Sam Raimi chose to completely ignore.

Not surprising considering the disheveled schlub can’t even comb his hair or wear a pressed suit.

Namely, if Spider-man really did develop organic webbing, the spinnerets would form in the same place as a spider’s — in the rear of the arachnid’s abdomen, which on a human-spider hybrid like Peter Parker, would be his butt.

That’s right, the great Sam Raimi’s Spider-man should have been swinging from skyscraper to skyscraper by blasting webbing out of his f**king ass.

Speaking of Raimi, critics of The Amazing Spider-man reference the guy like he’s some kind of Spider-God.  Have people forgotten his Spider-man films?  Re-watch them.  They’re lame as hell and don’t hold up at all.

The plots are dumb, the dialogue is hammy, the villains are cheesy, the action sequences are repetitive and Tobey Maguire’s dorky “aw, shucks” uber-altruistic Peter Parker spends half the damn trilogy crying like a little bitch.

No f**king way you’d ever see Batman do that.

Bringing in fresh blood and legitimate talent like Andrew Garfield and director Marc Webb is exactly the shot in the arm this stale franchise needs, especially after the colossal embarrassment that was Spider-man 3.

Yes, I’m showing this again.  Because he f**king dance-humped.

And did I mention that Spider-man’s new love interest is the character of Gwen Stacy played by hottie Emma Stone?

Hardcore fans may snub their nose at the absence of Spidey’s beloved Mary Jane, but after being poorly played by the terribly miscast Kirsten Dunst for three consecutive films, giving fans a break from the red-headed “sexpot” is a wise move.

Snaggletooth.

However, the biggest complaint about the new film is over what was revealed in the recent trailer.  The plot revolves around a mystery involving Peter Parker’s parents and how they apparently genetically altered their son at a young age. So instead of Peter gaining his spider-powers by chance, it looks like they are “activated” by a spider-bite instead.

Sure, this is a significant creative liberty.  But so what?  I remember being concerned about the look of the Batmobile months before Batman Begins was released, but once I saw how it was used in the film I was completely won over.

There’s also no denying that a black tank is way more badass than a giant glowing dildo with wheels.

Batman Begins is also a great example of a film making a major change to comic book canon — one that might initially piss off purists — but ultimately manages to pull it off.

One of the cornerstones of Batman’s history is that he is trained in crime-fighting by a man named Henri Ducard before years later facing one of his greatest enemies in the form of international assassin and global terrorist Ra’s Al Ghul.

Even his mutton chops are villainous.

In a twist two-thirds of the way through the film, it’s revealed that Liam Neeson’s Henri Ducard (who taught Christian Bale’s Batman his crime-fighting skills) is actually Ra’s Al Ghul and the character we previously thought was Ra’s was a decoy.

The moustaches kind of give it away.

This is a HUGE divergence from 70 plus years worth of Batman lore.  But you know what?  Christopher Nolan totally makes it work and Batman Begins is a much better film because of it.

There wasn’t time in the film to show Bruce Wayne training in France with Ducard for years before first encountering Al Ghul.  And the merging of Ducard and Al Ghul into a singular character combined with Bruce’s flashbacks of Thomas Wayne allowed Nolan to infuse the film with a thematically rich subplot that examined the nature of Bruce Wayne’s father issues.

And boy, does he have father issues.

The bottom line is that until the film is released it is extremely unfair to write off The Amazing Spider-man for things in its trailer that appear to split from the traditional Spider-man backstory.

And even if such creative liberties are taken, it doesn’t mean that it still might not wind up being an excellent move on the part of the filmmakers — one that actually serves a specific narrative purpose that makes the film better.

Not serving a narrative purpose?  Angrily tossing one’s evil emo douchebag bangs.