Storm Informs

The Emmys have a long track record of being out-of-touch and obtuse, however every now and then they get it right and knock it out of the park.

Yes.

Yet during yesterday’s Emmys, I don’t think the awards show has ever been more off the mark with its winners.  Some of them were not only unjust, but also absurd and mind-boggling.

How else do you explain an over-acting spastic clown on a SHIT show beating Alec Baldwin and Louie C.K.?

Here are 3 reasons the 2012 Emmys were absolute garbage:

1)     BREAKING BAD GOT SCREWED

Breaking Bad isn’t just a great drama.  It’s the greatest drama of all time.  The show already got snubbed by not receiving a slew of writing nominations, instead losing out to a bunch of bloated, boring and overrated Mad Men episodes.

Because having characters trip balls on LSD with towels on their heads for a half hour isn’t great writing.

The result for the 2012 Emmys should have been this straightforward and simple:

Instead, Breaking Bad lost best drama to Homeland.  And while Homeland is an excellent show, it simply cannot match the fourth season of Breaking Bad, a riveting thirteen episode triumph that provides viewers with the most perfect and flawless season of television they will ever see.

To add insult to injury, Bryan Cranston, who has previously won an Emmy every time he has been nominated for playing Walter White, lost out to Homeland’s Damian Lewis.

While Lewis was terrific as a terrorist-sympathizing soldier, he simply can’t match the brilliance of Cranston. The haunting and creepy “crawl space” scene alone should have been enough to nab Cranston his fourth Emmy, and there’s no question he turned in his best performance ever during the show’s fourth season.

If I was Cranston I’d be pissed too.

The only victory for Breaking Bad at this year’s Emmys came when Aaron Paul won best supporting actor in a drama.  Ironically, as terrific as Paul’s performance was and as great as it was to watch him win, he didn’t deserve the award as much as his co-star Giancarlo Esposito did for playing the villainous Gus Fring.

That was villainous with a capital “V.”

So not only did Breaking Bad lose the two awards it deserved the most, the award it won went to the wrong guy.

2)     MODERN FAMILY WON EVERYTHING

Modern Family isn’t a bad show.  It just isn’t a great one.

Despite its “progressive” dynamic of including a gay couple raising a child, the show itself is pretty generic and the humour is tepid at best.  I mean, this is a show that last year won an Emmy for best writing for an episode about a husband and wife getting caught having sex by their kids.

The exact same storyline that was used on an episode of Growing Pains. I shit you not.

Modern Family has become the embodiment of a “safe bet” by Emmy voters, and, as a result, keeps raking in the awards despite the fact that other shows like Parks & Recreation and Louie are pushing the boundaries of comedic television by crafting edgy, subversive and hilarious episodes of television.

It’s even more offensive when you consider that not only is virtually the entire cast garnering undeserved nominations in the best supporting actor and actress categories, but that they’re winning these awards year after year.  Are we really supposed to stomach the fact that the mediocre Julie Bowen beat the insanely talented Kristen Wiig from Saturday Night Live by providing a better comedic performance?

Give me a f**king break.

But by far the most ridiculous Emmy feat is that for the past three years the best supporting actor in a comedy award has gone to actors from Modern Family and not the greatest character on television.

Not only has Parks and Recreation’s Ron Swanson not won this award the last three years, he hasn’t even been nominated.  Fortunately, Ron Swanson himself has shared wisdom on this topic which makes it easier to cope with the greatest ongoing snub in the history of the Emmy Awards.

3)     THE PUDGY HOMELY CHICK FROM HBO’S MASSIVELY OVERRATED ‘GIRLS’ ATE A CAKE WHILE SITTING NAKED ON A TOILET

This one pretty much explains itself.

Worst.  Emmys.  Ever.