I knew one day it would happen. There’s a real life Batman out there patrolling the streets. Except he’s not in Gotham City. Or New York. This Batman is working out of Taubate City in San Paulo, Brazil.
Retired police officer Andre Luiz Pinheiro is working with the Police by dressing up as the world’s greatest crimefighter in an effort to combat the area’s high level of drug trafficking.
As opposed to dressing up like Batman and combatting high levels of cholesterol.
And while Pinheiro spends the majority of his time “fighting crime” by raising awareness among San Paulo children through public speaking engagements, there’s no denying that he’s actually making a difference as The Dark Knight.
That kid wearing the red Superman shirt sure has a lot of f**king nerve.
Nevertheless, I can’t help but think a few of Batman’s trademark characteristics may have been lost in translation. So if Pinheiro is going to keep dressing up like the Caped Crusader, here are 3 things he can do to be more Batman-like:
1) UPGRADE THE BATSUIT
Look, I get that impoverished areas are behind the trends and that somewhere out there right now some poor kid from the Eastern European country of Moldova is watching episodes of Knight Rider and thinking they’re brand new.
I still can’t believe this actually happened during my lifetime.
But for God’s sake Brazil, wake up and realize your very own Batman is sporting George Clooney’s Batman & Robin suit complete with bat-nipples! You say Pinheiro is working with the San Paulo Police to raise awareness against crime?
Great. Then use some of your police budget and get the man a decent looking cape and cowl.
Unacceptable.
2) AVOID FLAPPING YOUR CAPE NEAR JESUS STATUES
Religion has never factored into Batman’s mythology and it shouldn’t start now. The whole symbolic saviour thing is best left untouched, even in a heavily Christian crime-ridden country like Brazil.
Holy metaphor, Batman!
3) DON’T CUDDLE WITH PUPPIES WHILE STILL WEARING YOUR BATSUIT
This one pretty much explains itself:
He must be a big David Hasselhoff fan.