I think James Franco and Anne Hathaway were cute as hosts, but they weren’t funny. And what the hell was with all the damn “woos,” Hathaway? It’s the Oscars, not a rodeo.
I’m concerned about Anne Hathaway as Catwoman — I just don’t see it. Then again, I didn’t get the whole Batmobile as a tank thing in Batman Begins and Christopher Nolan pulled it off so I will continue to put my faith in him.
Onto the awards:
ART DIRECTION
Alice in Wonderland
I have two film degrees and still don’t know what the heck this award is for. Guess I should have studied harder.
CINEMATOGRAHY
Inception
YES! Awesome! Way to go Wally! So deserving, especially after being robbed for The Dark Knight last year.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Melissa Leo
Good for Kirk Douglas, he did an awesome job presenting. He’s certainly got a great sense of humour, but did anyone else notice his earlobes? It looked like he had two slices of deli meat hanging off the sides of his head.
That’s great Melissa Leo won though, and even more awesome that she dropped an F-bomb .
ANIMATED SHORT
The Lost Thing
Man, those animated short guys always get the worst seats in the house. Poor bastards.
ANIMATED FEATURE
Toy Story 3
Probably the least surprising win of the night. This was more of a lock than Colin Firth.
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Social Network
Sorkin was the front runner and is definitely talented, but for such a skilled writer you think he would have come up with a better speech.
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
The King’s Speech
What a croc of shit. There is no way this was more deserving than Inception. The award is for most ORIGINAL screenplay! How can a story about a real king that stuttered be considered more original than one of the most inventive and mind bending thrillers ever?
FOREIGN FILM
A Better World (Denmark)
The last foreign film I saw was when I was in Paris and watched a dubbed version of The Hangover.
SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christian Bale
Awesome. The best performance of the year, hands down. And if anything is going to get him to not overdo his growly Batman voice heading into The Dark Knight Rises then this is it.
ORIGINAL SCORE
The Social Network
Inception robbed again! I’m not saying The Social Network’s score isn’t good, but it’s basically the same piano theme over and over again. Hans Zimmer’s score for Inception is a powerhouse that has numerous amazing and varied tracks, including “Dream is Collapsing,” “Mombassa” and the brilliant and haunting “Time.”
SOUND MIXING
Inception
A deserving win for Inception, but not exactly the high profile category it should have won in.
SOUND EDITING
Inception
See above.
MAKEUP
The Wolfman
Rick Baker’s the man, and it’s awesome to see a cinematic legend like him still raking in the awards. But his work on The Wolfman is still a far cry from his masterpiece — that’s right, I’m talking about Harry And The Hendersons.
COSTUME DESIGN
Alice In Wonderland
A deserving win, but what’s with that lady’s goth get-up and creepy black gloves? She looked like she was about to give the Grim Reaper a prostate exam.
DOCUMENTARY SHORT
Strangers No More
I actually missed them giving out this award because I was eating a meatball sub. I don’t regret it.
LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
God of Love
I’m pretty sure this guy who won is the bastard child of Barbara Streisand and a Harlem Globetrotter.
DOCUMENTARY
Inside Job
Did you notice how Oprah DIDN’T get out of the way after she handed the winners their Oscar? Either her ego’s going to have trouble with retirement or that fat squishing corset cut off the blood flow to her head.
VISUAL EFFECTS
Inception
It’s nice to see Inception racking up some wins, and the effects in the film were phenomenal.
FILM EDITING
The Social Network
Gotta give them credit for this one, the non-linear editing in the film was seamless.
BEST SONG
Toy Story 3
Randy Newman you crazy old bastard. I’ve loved you since they played “I Love LA” during The Naked Gun baseball montage.
BEST DIRECTOR
Tom Hooper — The King’s Speech
Ridiculous! First Hooper snatches Christopher Nolan’s nomination away from him, then he snags the award out from under Fincher? How hard is it to point a camera at a couple of gifted actors and have them do speech exercises? At least Fincher navigated a muddled narrative from multiple viewpoints and turned it into a great story.
BEST ACTRESS
Natalie Portman — Black Swan
Great actress but not sure about her choice in men. Her baby daddy is a dork and I’m pretty sure her director Darren Aronofsky is a transvestite child molestor.
BEST ACTOR
Colin Firth — The King’s Speech
I was pulling for Franco, but after seeing his job as Oscar host I’m kind of glad Firth won.
BEST PICTURE
The King’s Speech
Inception. Inception. Inception. Inception. Inception — damn it.