The ratio of quality to crap in Hollywood is staggering. Odds are you’re more likely to enjoy terrific storytelling by picking up the latest bookstore bestseller than you are checking out your local multiplex.
One such example of a great fiction franchise is that of Lee Child’s Jack Reacher series, a collection of action thriller novels that follow the adventures of the titular nomadic hero who is a former military policeman who wanders the Unites States fighting injustices and getting into adventures.
“Just like motherf**kin’ Caine from Kung Fu.”
And while it’s thrilling that after sixteen books Jack Reacher is finally getting a big screen treatment, it’s downright sacrilegious that the character will be portrayed by an actor like Tom Cruise, who is even less suited for the role of Reacher than Justin Bieber is for the lead in the Fear remake.
Still a scrawny douche.
Jack Reacher is an imposing force who like an honourably brutal ronin uses devastating violence as a means to implement his sense of righteous morality. To capture the essence of his character on screen you have to cast someone who has some of his physical attributes and is capable of being beast-like.
He looks like a tattooed ferret.
Take Tom Hardy as Bane in the upcoming movie The Dark Knight Rises for example. Sure, he’s only 5’10″ and nearly a foot shorter than the Bane from the Batman comics, but Hardy packed on close to thirty pounds of muscle for the role and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t ooze with a savage ferocity.
Respect.
Here’s a quick rundown of why fans of Lee Child’s Jack Reacher have reason to be outraged:
FACT:
Jack Reacher is 6’5″ giant who weighs around 250 lbs and has a 50 inch barrel chest.
FACT:
Tom Cruise is 5’7″ shrimp who weighs around 170 lbs and has a weirdly muscular chest.
Seriously, his nipples look like Skittles.
FACT:
Jack Reacher is cool, calm and collected.
FACT:
Tom Cruise is creepy, crazy and certifiable.
He also might be powered by the dark side of the force.
FACT:
Jack Reacher’s life is a work of excellent fiction.
