Since last week I took a look at the fall TV season’s best new show, it seemed only fitting that I followed that up with my thoughts on its worst. Plus, if I had to sit through one more episode of Whitney in order for me to be able to say that I wrote an informed blog entry I was LITERALLY going to put a cigarette out in my right eye.
There are many reasons why Whitney is a gigantic pile of crap that epitomizes everything that is wrong with the television industry. Here are just a few of those reasons:
1) IT’S A REGRESSIVE SITCOM
Whitney Cummings may think that her self-styled sitcom is hip and modern, but it really is anything but. The structure of the show and its fundamental concept (Whitney is neurotic and quirky but still adorable!) is so tired and dated that you can actually see an episode’s coming plot developments minutes into the program.
I’m not kidding, Whitney is down right archaic. From its use of the dying three camera format to its ridiculously try-hard “live studio audience,” Whitney has all the requisites for a sitcom from the 70′s.
Actually, when you compare them, Three’s Company holds up extremely well and comes off as far more progressive (mixed gender roommates, hyper-sexuality, acceptance of homosexuality) when compared to Whitney, which so far has been solely about one annoying woman’s insipid neuroses (a compulsive need to spice up her love life, a compulsive need to recreate a first date, a compulsive need to win stupid contests against her romantic parter).
2) THE JOKES ARE HORRIBLE
Whitney is quite possibly the most poorly written show of the last decade. And that’s really saying something.
The fact that Whitney Cummings wrote the first three episodes of her sitcom herself is a strong indicator that while some may consider her to be a somewhat humorous stand-up, her comedic stylings simply do not translate to the world of scripted television.
Think I’m exaggerating? Here are a couple of examples of the quality of jokes and zingers from Whitney episodes that Whitney Cummings has written herself:
From the episode “First Date:”
(Upon entering a restaurant, Whitney’s boyfriend says the following to his buddy)
“No way this place has better burgers than Greasy Rick’s.”
“Yeah, but this place has one hundred percent less band-aids in their meat.”
Want worse? Here you go.
From the same episode:
(Whitney’s boyfriend speaking to a waiter, ordering Whitney dinner after she’s been annoying him)
Do you have any chicken in an anti-psychotic sauce?
Seriously, Whitney Cummings? That’s the best you can come up with? Obtuse and bizarre non-sequiturs about things that don’t happen or exist in real life?
3) THE SHOW IS A VANITY PROJECT FOR WHITNEY CUMMINGS
This is by far and away Whitney’s most egregious and irritating blunder. NBC went into business with Cummings because they recognized that talented or not, she was a comedy star on the rise.
Cummings had made a name for herself on the stand up circuit, not so much because she was side-splittingly hilarious but more because she became known as that kinda-funny-mildly-attractive girl.
Cummings also made a name for herself as that chick from the Comedy Central Roasts, particularly for the time she told Pamela Anderson that instead of having unprotected sex with Brett Michaels, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock she may as well have just “drank a vat of Magic Johnson’s blood.”
Regardless, whatever Cummings did it was enough to impress the geniuses over at NBC and get herself her own show. So what was the first thing she did with that opportunity?
She sexualized herself.
Yep, Whitney Cummings wrote a pilot that for the bulk of the episode featured her dressed up in a sex shop nurse’s uniform (for a very stupid reason). She followed that up with episodes where she slutted it up again by wearing lingerie to pick up her mail and dancing sexy. And let me remind you that at this point only four episodes have aired.
For someone who presents herself as a strong, bold and edgy female comic, Whitney Cummings sure seems to be enjoying using NBC’s Thursday night comedy line up as a platform to showcase her sex appeal.
Here’s what I find most interesting:
After being given carte blanche by NBC, and after creating a sitcom designed to feature her as some sort of sarcastic sexpot, creator, star and executive producer Whitney Cummings handpicked actor / comedian Chris D’Elia to play her boyfriend on the show.
What does this say about Whitney Cummings? Hollywood is teeming with gorgeous, hunky aspiring actors who would kill to share screen time and sex it up with her on camera yet she selects the skeeviest looking douchebag she can find to play the man of her dreams?
I’m not even saying that actor Chris D’Elia is a bad looking guy, but if you had your own show and decided to make it about how cute and sexy you are wouldn’t you want to star opposite a person who didn’t look like they had just fought off a bunch of rats in order to eat a greasy taco out of a dumpster?
4) THE ENTIRE CAST SUCKS
Whitney is just terrible, from its concept to its writing to its cast — each and every last one of them.
Whitney airs Thursday nights at 9:30 on NBC. Don’t watch it.